where it hurts
the Rambling of a Neurodiverse Mind
chapter 1
obsessively, i ruminate over social situations.
all of them. big, little, small.
vague interactions with others lead me to question what i did or did not do.
lead me to ponder what i said or should have said.
lead me to suffer an ache akin to dying
(or wanting to).
all those words i should not have said.
i recount every single interaction from every single day from every single month from every single year over and over and over.
words make me vulnerable, startle me into stillness where i am absent. i am empty. i am void.
safely shielded from my truth and yours.
destroyed, nonetheless.
Torn, oil on 24×36 canvas
Lady in Distress, oil on 20x24 canvas
Muted, oil on 24x30 canvas
Invisible, oil on 24x30 canvas
Cornered in Neon, oil on 20x24 wood
Boxing Susan, oil on 18x24 wood
Damaged, oil over sand on 18x24
Intrusive Thoughts, oil over sand on 18x24
For Colored Gurls, oil on 18x24 oil
Feelin' Trapped, oil on 28x36 canvas
The Confrontation is Torpedoed, oil on 24x36 canvas
Thwarted Blossom, oil on 18x24 canvas
Never Alone Always, oil on 18x24 canvas
Travelin' with Billie, oil on 18x24 canvas
I'm Okay, Really I Am, oil on 30x40 wood panel
She Didn't Want To, oil on 18x24 canvas
Becoming Undone, oil on 24x48 canvas
Waking Up Other, oil on 24x48 canvas
Why I'm Skirred of the Dark, oil on 25x50 canvas
Queen as Pawn, oil on 24x36 canvas
pawn 1 of 3 noun (1): a chess piece of the smallest size and value, a person used by others for their own purposes. “they had allowed themselves to be used as pawns within the cold war”
pawn 2 of 3 noun (2): 1a: something delivered to or deposited with another for security for a loan 1b: hostage 2: the state of being pledged 3: something used a a pledge: guaranty 4: the act of pawning
pawn 3 of 3 verb: pawned, pawning, pawns, transition verb: to deposit in pledge or as security especially in exchange for money.
Hush Shirley, acrylic on 24×30 canvas
hush shirley
hush shirley / don’t tell anyone / don’t you dare
hush shirley / don’t tell anyone / don’t you dare
no one can ever know Shirley / bury the secret deep
flesh will never tell, shirley / not a single peep
hush shirley /quiet / you mustn’t tell a soul
don’t cry / don’t cry / don’t cry shirley
no one can ever know
no one can ever know
ever ever? / never never
never
hush shirley