and has a temperature
the rambling of a neurodiverse mind
chapter ii
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). an intense, unbearable emotional or physical pain triggered by perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. a comorbidity of ADHD. symptoms include sudden rage. tears. people-pleasing. social withdrawal. notably, not all clinicians agree on whether or not RSD is a real thing.
real or not
i
evidently
have been painting it forever
InnerSpeak, oil on 25×25 canvas
hush shirley, acrylic on 24x30 canvas
hush shirley / don’t tell anyone / don’t you ever dare
hush shirley / don’t tell anyone / always beware
bury the secret deep shirley / flesh will never tell
keep it to yourself shirley / quiet
do not yell
bury the secret deep shirley / don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry
the flesh will never tell shirley / don’t die don’t die don’t die
no one can ever know shirley
… … …
ever ever?
never never / never ever
hush shirley
Different, oil on 24x36 canvas
Separate From the Memory, oil on 20x24 canvas
Paper Doll Stroll, oil on 24x30 canvas
Blue on Piedmont, oil on 36x48 canvas
Suspicious, oil on 30x40 canvas
Defiant, acrylic on 18x24 canvas
Rescued From Katrina, oil on 18x24 canvas
Judgment, oil on 18x24 canvas
September Elegy, oil on 24x48 canvas
Untidy Thoughts, acrylic on 24x36 canvas
Predator, oil on 24x30 canvas
i am the only one who knows precisely. absolutely.
how far into the well i fall when i fall into the well
indulging bat-shit crazy like ice cream sundaes on monday
tasting memories of sweet turned sour
where crooked smiles and furrowed brows
cry crocodile tears and hurt festers like picked at sores
frantic, I wonder
will i ever get out? Knowing
it is safer if I don’t
Voices Inside My Head, acrylic on 36×48 canvas
so i smoke 1 or 2 or 3
check all the locks on all the doors
prep canvas and oil to paint genius like miles at the vanguard blowing riffs til dawn
but I am not miles
my genius is non sequitur
illusion and myth
i am the only one who knows
precisely. absolutely.
how far into the well i have fallen